Life is a series of changes. Pediatricians are at the front row of this magic. Of course, parents are the primary spectators, but pediatricians have an edge based on their education and training. Their knowledge and experience with typical and atypical development allow them to document, predict and marvel at the child in front of them. They can help guide the family through this process, assisting in typical development and recommending further evaluation of atypical development. Physical, behavioral and mental health are all at the forefront of their watchful and empathetic eyes.
But changes can sometimes be unexpected and unwelcome. These types of changes in childhood and adolescence can occur anytime, but my focus today is on adulthood – the scenario when life’s changes can turn to regrets and thoughts about what went wrong.
Let me provide some background. On my morning walks, I am either listening to audiobooks or music from Broadway musicals. The morning of this writing, I did both. I finished a book and still had time for music. I pulled up the music from WAITRESS (I have never seen the musical but listened to the music countless times) and listened to the number, She Used to be Mine. The lyrics from this song were haunting and reminded me of the constant reminder that you never know what others are going through.
The main character in the play is a waitress and piemaker extraordinaire. She is down on her luck and in an abusive relationship and pregnant. And she misses her old self –
- It’s not simple to say/ that most days I don’t recognize me…I’m not anything like I used to be
- She laments her loss of focus and perceived purpose. The second stanza sets the stage.
- She’s imperfect but she tries/ She is good but she lies/ She is hard on herself/ She is broken and won’t ask for help/ She is messy but she’s kind/ She is lonely most of the time/ She is all of this mixed up/ And baked in a beautiful pie/ She is gone but she used to be mine
- She poignantly notes that “she used to be mine” but now that self is gone. She points out her positive traits and those traits for which she struggles. Yet she realizes that the new life inside (her pregnancy) calls for action.
- [She is scared] Of the life that’s inside her/ Growing stronger each day/ ‘Til it finally reminds her/ To fight just a little/ To bring back the fire in her eyes/ That’s been gone but it used to be mine
- Her new baby will certainly change her current situation and the life that “used to be mine” will hopefully evolve in a positive way
I bring up this song (its background and current perceptions) to remind each of us to have empathy for each other. We do not know what other folks are going through or the various obstacles that they face. Indeed, more often in the second decade of life and beyond, mental health challenges abound and should be handled with grace and dignity, not scorn. So many people fighting mental illness perceive their current life as one that “used to be mine” and in need for transformation. They are confronted with the pain of these life changes and how to deal with them.
When we are understanding of the challenges of others, especially when we cannot see these challenges or understand them, we are more likely to be kind and merciful to others. We need to pay attention to changes that are afoot and be prepared to offer a helping hand or offer direction to helping hands.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (in partnership with the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and the Children’s Hospital Association) declared a National State of Emergency in Children’s Mental Health in 2021.1 By extension, we have the same problem in adulthood and so many people are searching for the life that “used to be mine.”
So, my plea – life will present multiple changes. Children develop. They grow and mature. Challenges occur, and it is our role as citizens to care about each other, to care for each other. We must pay attention and help, seek help and alert folks about the 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline. It is too easy in our complex society to get lost from that life that “used to be mine” or see one’s current situation as unresolvable.
Life will change, and it is our responsibility to each other to pay attention and assist with those changes. It takes a village to take care for all of us.
- https://www.aap.org/en/advocacy/child-and-adolescent-healthy-mental-development/aap-aacap-cha-declaration-of-a-national-emergency-in-child-and-adolescent-mental-health/?srsltid=AfmBOorVTC9dc9gxFBoIGe2tw88Jf0YMM7LiAastNyPAe6SBGH8yP7Sz