I just adore the words in the Carole King song, BEAUTIFUL. Her observations of others (frustrations, sadness and madness) shows the unique ability to exercise empathy. The ability to enter into (‘em’) the suffering of others (‘pathos’) is a unique one that requires extra effort. It is not sufficient to express your concern for others. We must engage (actively learn) what others are doing or feeling or suffering and seek to assist to the best of our ability.
Isabel Wilkerson uses the term radical empathy to describe this more enriched version of empathy. To quote Ms. Wilkerson, “radical empathy is not about you and what you think you would do in a situation you have never been in and perhaps never will. It is the kindred connection from a place of deep knowing that opens your spirit to the pain of another as they perceive… Every spiritual tradition says love your neighbor as yourself, not tolerate them.” I think that this very much expresses the sentiments of the BEAUTIFUL song.
Perhaps it seems glib to apply the common refrain from the song as my mantra going forward, but I think it really applies. Let me explain –
You’ve got to get up every morning/With a smile in your face – These lines remind me that every day is a new fresh experience. We have a choice to regroup. We have a chance to adjust (or readjust) our attitude. We can change our filters. The smile on one’s face shows a genuine interest in others and a willingness to visually engage. Now the smile can be metaphorical, not everyone has a broad toothy smile, but visual engagement is the key. It conveys an openness that can be contagious.
And show the world all the love in your heart/Then people gonna treat you better – The smile (direct or indirect [your inner beam of energy]) will demonstrate the love in your heart and your eagerness to engage with others. Then the interactions with others will be enhanced and more likely to be reciprocal – you will treat them better and they will treat you better.
You’re gonna find, yes you will/That you’re beautiful – Yes, everyone has an inner beauty. And yes, everyone is beautiful. It typically takes each of us awhile to understand and appreciate that inner beauty. Sometimes our confidence is insufficient, but we can indeed learn to build our own confidence while practicing empathy for others.You’re beautiful/You’re beautiful as you feel – Again, often we do not feel beautiful. I would contend that if we are willing to wake up every morning, with a smile on our face and show the world the love in our hearts that we will exhibit our own inner beauty and our love for others.
And if we actively engage in the process of radical empathy, we are fulfilling our promise to others and ourselves to be the best that we can be. When we show the world all the love in our hearts, the active engagement of radical empathy is achievable. That should be our task going forward.
Just listen to the music in your head. I hear it in mine.
You’ve got to get up every morning
With a smile in your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You’re gonna find, yes, you will
That you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful
You’re beautiful as you feel