“You don’t need to apologize, Mr. Theo. It’s not your fault”
“Maybe not. But maybe yes…the older I get, the more convinced I am that every hurt the world has ever known is somehow the fault of every person who ever lived. Maybe not directly and never entirely, but somehow, I fear, we own all of the world’s hurts together.”
(Allen Levi, Theo of Golden)
An oft-considered question for certain events is “who is responsible?” Certainly, somebody or some group of people must be at fault. And usually we insist that it has to be the other party or parties, not us.
Similar scenarios play out in virtually every household. A broken glass, a chipped cereal bowl, a tear in the screen door, dirty tracks into the house, a nick in the wall. When parents inquire about the responsible party, the familiar refrain comes from at least one child – “wasn’t me!” Having been a guilty party in the past, not owning up to my indiscretion and hoping the parental inquisition will be short-lived, I have to admit to saying this a time or two. And other times in my childhood, I have said it in truth, appropriately passing the blame to someone else. But suffice it to say, “wasn’t me” is too easy to say when responding to so many situations.
Back in 1993, I heard 12 words that had a profound impact on me.1 Health care futurist Leland Kaiser was discussing ways that we should be engaged in our community. “For anything that happens in our community,” Leland Kaiser challenged each of us as individuals and our society as a whole, “I am the problem, I am the solution, I am the resource.”
Those are 12 pretty simple words, but the message is a powerful one. We have to respond by saying “I have to take personal ownership in the issues in my community (I am the problem), I have to work with my fellow citizens (I am the solution), and I need to be willing to devote my continuing energies to the community (I am the resource).” For example, for a drug problem or opioid epidemic in our community, I need to recognize that it is my problem (not somebody else’s problem), that I need to be willing to work with others toward the potential resolution, and that I will need to devote my personal resources (time and talents) in a positive way. We could just as easily substitute the “I” with “we” in those 12 words—We are the problem, we are the solution, we are the resource. Only by active engagement can “we” truly make a difference.
The above quote from Theo of Golden will make a lot of people uncomfortable or lead to immediate rejection of the premise of a communal responsibility. The “wasn’t me” of denying any responsibility for actions while knowing that you are not guilty can be extremely satisfying. You know someone else did it! You know that you are free and clear. You know that they will find the guilty party and you will be shown to be right.
Yet I would argue that sometimes we might be innocent and clearly state “wasn’t me” and still have some responsibility. What do I mean? On the surface, that makes no sense. Well, there are numerous examples, but I will just use two here.
- The Confederate flag is clearly a symbol of the Confederacy and what the Confederacy stood for. The Confederacy sought to preserve slavery, the subjugation of a race of people, for unjustifiable means. Arguments to the contrary deny the oral and written documentation that proves the basis for the Civil War. Many folks argue that the flag is only about heritage (honoring those that fought for the South) and anyway, slavery is no more, and they had nothing to do with it. “Wasn’t me” comes to the forefront here. They didn’t do it, and they bear no responsibility for the sins of their forefathers. I agree that they didn’t do it, but I think that we all bear some responsibility to right past wrongs going forward. I think it was wrong to display such an egregious symbol of our ugly past. Granted, it “wasn’t me” but it “was us.” In this scenario then, it is reasonable, and I would argue needed, to acknowledge that it “was us” and be a part of a movement to correct past wrongs.
- Voter suppression is another example. Attempts (past and present) to keep a certain group of people from exercising their privilege to vote in a democratic society are repugnant. Peaceful efforts to lead voter registration drives in the South in the 1960s often led to severe injury and even death. And many folks let it happen by failing to stand up to those in authority that stood in the way. Folks in areas of such overt voter suppression might argue that they had nothing to do with the past failings in society (“wasn’t me”) but unless they actively seek to correct present wrongs from the lingering remnants of voter suppression, they are complicit. Wishing that someone else will correct the problems does not get the work done.
The above two examples bring me back to the 12 words from Leland Kaiser and the above quote from Theo of Golden.For anything that needs improvement in the community, personal ownership (I am the problem), personal resolve (I am the solution), and personal commitment (I am the resource) can help guide us forward in ways to make a real difference. This approach throws aside the “wasn’t me” philosophy and accepts the “was us” and even personalizes it to “was me.” Theo’s plaintive reply that “we own all of the world’s hurts together” serves to be a clarion call to be involved to the best of our ability.
With such a stance, we are practicing communal or social forgiveness. We are accepting past problems, forgiving ourselves and forgiving others. In my forgiveness journey, I find communal forgiveness as important as exercising personal forgiveness. The two go hand-in-hand since we are social beings living in an interpersonal world and constantly need to improve ourselves and seek to improve the lives of those around us and seek to improve our communities.
While a “wasn’t me” stance to correct past wrongs can feel morally right, it misses the point. Significant wrongs have occurred in the past (and still do). It is our duty to not say “wasn’t me” but to say it “was us.” Only then can we seek to be a part of the solution going forward instead of being entrenched in the past.
- Saul R. My Children’s Children: Raising Young Citizens in the Age of Columbine. 2013; CreateSpace, 225 pp. (page 5)
- Levi A. Theo of Golden. Atria Books; 2023. 384 pp.
- Apologies to any grammarians who are offended with common usage here.