Dr. Bob: Bedtime continues to be a real struggle at our house. Our 3-year-old daughter keeps pushing back the time to go to bed and comes up with every excuse that she can. We are tired and want to get her settled down. What suggestions do you have?
Answer: We have all had this problem in our parenting journeys. When parents get tired, we want to resolve issues fairly quickly without any hassles. When children get tired, they tend to have “melt downs” and we get impatient. So, it is very important that we remember that we are the adult in the room, maintaining our composure and calming addressing the issues at hand. If we get caught up in the drama, we lose sight of our ability to get the job done in a loving, nurturing fashion. We have to be regulated to help get our child regulated and ready for bed. Let’s review a few principles that we need to think about with the nighttime routine.
- A set routine – it is so important to have a plan for preparing a child or children for bedtime. Remember that sleep is crucial to optimal child development and your daughter is recommended to get 10-13 hours of sleep. The goal therefore is to get your child or children to bed in a timely fashion so they can get the necessary sleep before the next day starts.
- Have a target bedtime in mind. For example, if you want to get your child to bed by 8:30 pm, you might want to start with the idea of aiming for 8 pm recognizing that delays can be built into the whole process.
- Make sure that the child is getting your undivided attention, not just in between phone calls or checking your emails. Put your phone up for the bedtime process and you will not be tempted to peek at it.
- Think the 3 Bs! Bath time, brushing teeth and reading books –
- Bath time is one of the great pleasures of childhood. Make it a pleasant experience and one to look forward to. Cleansing and playing at the same time are such fun childhood experiences – let her enjoy it!
- Brushing teeth is such an important nighttime activity. We now know that dental hygiene has lifelong consequences and starting the routine at a young age cements its importance. Make it a fun experience. Show your child how you do it and how you get to all of the teeth. Count the teeth to make it educational!
- Reading books is the natural culmination of the bedtime ritual. And this activity is so critical to development. When children are exposed to words, reading and books, their minds are expanded and opened to a world of inquiry and curiosity. We now know that the more words children are exposed to in early life has a dramatic effect on their upcoming formal education. Make reading a staple of your bedtime routine. Oftentimes, the child will fall asleep during the reading. (I have to admit that I fell asleep reading GOODNIGHT MOON for the 100th time!)
Be ready to make adjustments to the routine as various activities (school activities, various outings, etc) can alter your plans. Plan ahead and tell your child about these changes so you can minimize their angst if you change the routine. Please remember the cardinal principle – be engaged, verbally and visually, with your child in a loving, nurturing way. No phones during the bedtime routine. Make it fun for them and you!
Dr. Saul is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at Prisma Health and his website is www.mychildrenschildren.com. Contact Dr. Bob at askdrbobsaul@gmail.com with more questions.