I find myself contemplating questions these days that I only dealt with in a cursory manner in my younger days. Undergraduate education, medical school, residency, fellowship, clinical career, administrative duties and teaching all occupied my time and efforts until retirement. Family and children were even more engaging since my college years. My life has been fulfilled with these two spheres of activity…yet along the way something else has been creeping into my head and has slowly demanded attention.
Back in 1993, I heard Leland Kaiser say the 12 words that have complemented my focus, but I only now recognize it in retrospect.1 “I am the problem, I am the solution, I am the resource” remind me that I have to take personal ownership in the issues in my community (I am the problem), I have to work with my fellow citizens (I am the solution), and I need to be willing to devote my continuing energies to the community (I am the resource). Thirty-three years later, I see these words as the genesis of my current efforts detailed below.
My journey has been filled with op-ed articles, blog posts, Ask Dr. Bob columns, and books along with experiences satisfying and difficult.2 I’d like to think that I have evolved, recognizing my responsibilities to others in an enhanced way and been able to articulate mindful material in a responsible way. I must admit to a certain amount of excitement with my writings with the hope that what they impart is meaningful, that the words matter.
There it is. There’s that word – matter. I am hung up on that word since I want to say and do things that matter. This word is tricky and represents an ever-elusive target.
What “matters” has been the perpetual quest of humankind so at one level one might say it is pure folly to continue this pursuit. But as a pediatrician always engaged in teaching children and families how to enhance their childhood and parenting journey and engaged in pediatric and community advocacy, I felt that it is imperative that I use my personal and professional experience to make a statement. And as citizens unless we embrace what matters, we have lost sight of the recognition of our common humanity.
In this latter regard, Michael Cogdill and I have penned What Really Matters: Find Meaning Amid Upheaval. Due out in August 2026, we discuss six factors – truth, trust, science, civility, diversity, and faith – as the things that we contend matter. We choose to use our construct of what really matters (truth, trust, science, civility, diversity and faith) to provide a scaffold to build a framework to pursue what really matters and lead a life worthy of any faith or even a worthy life for those of no faith. We will profess that those of “no faith” who are actually leading a faithful life to others by following what really matters are indeed faithful to the tenets of the multiple faiths of God.
So, what started as dinner at a hospital fund-raiser back in 1993 with guest speaker Leland Kaiser has morphed into a quest with a proposed path forward. I hope that What Really Matters will provoke a movement to make substantive changes in our society. I hope that we recognize –
- Each other as citizens with a common humanity
- That citizens care about each other
- That citizens care for each other
- The beauty of the American experiment, that all men, women and children are created equal3
- That the six things – truth, trust, science, civility, diversity and faith – are integrally tied into our individual, interpersonal and social lives
- That these six things, when accepted, provide the template for meaningful and faithful lives
Audio books or music always provide a soundtrack for my morning walks. Many “aha” moments result from these auditory stimuli to stimulate my thoughts and writings. One in particular is germane to this discussion.
I find the soundtrack to the Broadway musical Waitress to be quite delightful. I have to confess that I have never seen the musical but sought out the music when I heard about it. The soulful lyrics and music to the song “You Matter to Me” is particularly pertinent to my what really matters journey. Two stanzas shout out for their awareness of our common humanity. (My apologies if I took any of these lyrics out of context. They speak to me as they are.)
- Because you matter to me/ simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody/ You matter to me/ I promise you do, you, you matter too/ I promise you do, you’ll see/ You matter to me
- Devotion to another person requires selfless acts. Bishop Michael Curry reminds us that love, the selfless devotion to someone, is an active process. And that its opposite is not hate but rather selfishness.4 In the stanza above, love is “simple and plain” involving promises and actions that demonstrate such.
- Dear baby/ I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight/ They don’t pull away, they don’t look at your face/ And they don’t try to kiss you/ All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold tight without an ounce of selfishness to it/ I hope you become addicted, baby/ I hope you become addicted to sayin’ things/ And have them matter to someone
- The lead actress has been in an abusive relationship and worries about her child from that relationship. Her hope (what matters to her) is that her child will be embraced and nurtured in a loving relationship, a relationship that she has struggled to find. Love “without an ounce of selfishness” and “becoming addicted to saying things that matter” to others should be our direction.
What matters is all around. Even if I can define what I think matters (truth, trust, science, civility, diversity and faith), only by selfless acts and devotion to others can what matters become actions serving others and celebrating the miracle of life. I see that now at this stage in my life. Continuing to ask questions and seek answers is the joy in my life, finding what matters and sharing that with others. The gradual nature of this discovery provides excitement every day going forward.