I think we have all had this happen. A mischievous sib or even parent, testing your level of awareness, tosses something your way and shouts “Catch!” to see if you can catch it. The item might be as innocent as a soft ball or more insidious as an apple or orange. The latter items might bop you upside the head if your reactions are slow. This hopefully innocent exchange highlights a fundamental concept of human interchange.
The exciting part of the game of catch is the human interaction. Though there can some distance between the individuals, there is an inherent closeness in the transferring of an item from one person to another and then back again. There is a give-and-take that just sings to my heart. Let me explain.
- The first game of catch is between mother/father and child. There is no ball or other items exchanged. It is love accompanied with facial gestures, soft words and tender touches. The parent “lobs” those gestures, words, and touches to the infant and the infant “throws back” contented sighs, smiles or other gestures.
- The interchange has been studied extensively by Dr. Edward Tronick.1 The Still Face Experiment (SFE) dramatically demonstrates that these interactions are crucial to the bonding of parent and child and that the ability to repair any breaks in the connection are equally important. In the SFE, a mother is very much engaged with her infant and the infant responds in kind. The mother is then instructed to turn away and return stone-faced to her infant for a period of time. The infant gets very distressed. This game of catch has been interrupted, and the infant is upset. The good news is that mother re-engages and then all is well. But repair of the interruption is crucial. Without the repair, the infant’s stress level can rise and confuse a basic sense of trust with a parent.
- So, these interactions exhibit the significance of the active give-and-take between caregivers and infants. It is critical to the emotional development of the child and actually equally so to the caregiver as they learn the importance of bonding.
- I used to love to play catch with my sons. It could be a frisbee, baseball, softball or football but it was such a fun time with active engagement and conversation. Unfortunately for my sons, there was more physical activity than anticipated when they had to chase my errant throws into the bushes or into the driveway. They learned a lot of tolerance which is always a good thing! And this bonding time was memorable for both parties. Coming home from work and ready to engage in catch on the lawn was one of the joys of the day. Hopefully, it demonstrated that catch should be shared with generations to come.
- The movie FIELD OF DREAMS uses the game of catch as a symbol of reconciliation between a father and son. Near the end of the movie in a surreal scene, the living son and deceased father are reunited on the baseball field that the son build for such an encounter. Their estrangement is forgotten. They are ready to engage. Forgiveness and love are exchanged in the simple act of throwing a baseball back and forth.
- I should emphasize the catch is not limited to those of certain physical abilities. All children of differing abilities can be engaged in catch, be it with a beach ball or a balloon or the touch or smiles of direct interactions. Catch is a universal “game.”
- But the key here is that the game of catch is not really simple. It is so much more that. The physical activity, the conversation and the emotional connection are the three components that serve to make the give-and-take of catch similar to the SFE of infancy. The parents learned a valuable lesson in SFE – engage with active smiles, gestures, sounds and touches; do not ignore your child for they expect your positive actions; when the child gets upset, you can repair a broken relationship with love.
One could argue that most human interactions are analogous to the game of catch. We should be ready to give, ready to receive and do it with meaning. The game of catch is really the universal exchange of human emotions that should occur in almost any interaction.
When parents are actually playing catch, they should take the opportunity to remember that it is so much more than a game. It is the chance to really connect and relate to your child. Even if your throws are as errant as mine were, take the time to jointly enjoy those errors and search for the ball together. Wayward throws and the ensuing chase can be considered repairs in the exchange. And these repairs might be just as important as precise throws. They demonstrate the need to constantly exchange gestures, words and touches in a loving, supportive manner.
So, be alert – Catch!