Author Dr. Robert Saul

Raising Young Citizens in the Age of Columbine

Could my child do that?

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It is not unusual for us as parents to peruse the headlines and hear all sorts of things.  When they involve children, I think that it is natural to see how our children would match up to what we hear about other children. Could my child win a piano competition?  Could my child be a star basketball player?  Could my child be a bully?  Could my child drive recklessly and cause a car accident?

Well, an honest assessment will often lead to understanding the reality of the situation.  Maybe your child does have a real knack for music and could be considered for piano lessons and further development.  Maybe they do have an athletic ability that will blossom on the hardcourt.  Maybe they would purposely or inadvertently say something to another child that was hurtful and interpreted as being a bully.  Maybe they could be driving and not paying close attention and cause a serious car accident.

My point is that as parents we need to really know what is happening with our children.  My book, Conscious Parenting: Using the Parental Awareness Threshold, emphasizes the need to be consciously aware of the relationship between parents and children at all times – to know how we as parents are reacting to situations (our emotional responses and our overt responses [our behavior]) and how are children are reacting to situations (their emotional responses and their overt responses [their behavior]).1  The cumulative effects of all these interactions over time serve to allow parents to understand their children and how to proactively predict certain responses and to retroactively respond to unanticipated responses.

I am particularly attuned to the questions in the first paragraph since we are always hearing about some incident where children are perpetrators of horrific crimes and then the question is asked, “Could my child do that?”  The more we are aware of the relationship between parent and child the more accurate our assessment of this question can be.  But it can never be certain, so we need to be constantly on the lookout for the mental health of our children.

Remember that the mental health of our children is intertwined with our own mental health.  How we process information and interact with our children impacts how our children interact with us and their peers.  We might be on the lookout for trouble signs in our children, but we need to be equally cognizant of those signs in us.  As parents we need to be introspective enough to learn how to seek help or least have trusted others (spouse, our parents, best friends and the like) who can assess our situation and recommend help when needed.

Back in 2021, a mental health crisis for children and adolescents was issued from the American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Children’s Hospital Association.2   Nothing substantial has changed to remove the label of “crisis.”  They issued the following recommendations –

  • Increase federal funding dedicated to ensuring all families and children, from infancy through adolescence, can access evidence-based mental health screening, diagnosis, and treatment to appropriately address their mental health needs, with particular emphasis on meeting the needs of under-resourced populations.
  • Address regulatory challenges and improve access to technology to assure continued availability of telemedicine to provide mental health care to all populations.
  • Increase implementation and sustainable funding of effective models of school-based mental health care, including clinical strategies and models for payment.
  • Accelerate adoption of effective and financially sustainable models of integrated mental health care in primary care pediatrics, including clinical strategies and models for payment.
  • Strengthen emerging efforts to reduce the risk of suicide in children and adolescents through prevention programs in schools, primary care, and community settings.
  • Address the ongoing challenges of the acute care needs of children and adolescents, including shortage of beds and emergency room boarding by expanding access to step-down programs from inpatient units, short-stay stabilization units, and community-based response teams.
  • Fully fund comprehensive, community-based systems of care that connect families in need of behavioral health services and supports for their child with evidence-based interventions in their home, community or school.
  • Promote and pay for trauma-informed care services that support relational health and family resilience.
  • Accelerate strategies to address longstanding workforce challenges in child mental health, including innovative training programs, loan repayment, and intensified efforts to recruit underrepresented populations into mental health professions as well as attention to the impact that the public health crisis has had on the well-being of health professionals.
  • Advance policies that ensure compliance with and enforcement of mental health parity laws.

But in many ways, we still need substantial local resources that are accessible, affordable, effective, and on-going.  Providers in the field (physicians, school counselors, social workers and so many others) are frustrated with the lack of tangible solutions when various crises occur.  It sure would be nice if we could avoid crises with intervention prior to that but oftentimes that does not occur because of resources.

The warning signs of problems (sadness, withdrawal, hopelessness, trouble in school, changes to eating or sleeping habits, or social media obsession) can be hard to spot because of the increased isolation in our society.  Without our purposeful interaction (our social capital3), we tend to miss signs that might provide us with a window into the lives of others.  I remember when I was called into the office of my chairman of Pediatrics during my residency, he asked if I was ok since others observed a change in my demeanor.4   I was dealing with the my father’s serious illness from afar and apparently I did not notice the change.  His concern and his willingness to address the problem and help me was emblematic of his concern for others and signaled his ability to step in and seek solutions.

We need to be doing the same for our children and teens.  Bridging the gaps in social relationships and filling the voids in our mental health services should be an absolute priority.

  • In the immediate short term, the new 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (now in existence for over 2 years) provides a crucial resource. More than 10 million calls, texts, and chats have been logged in the last two years.
  • The need for crisis support is critical since suicide continues to be recorded at a record pace.
  • The issues addressed by the 2021 declaration mentioned above can help address the ongoing needs and interventions needed yet as a society we have not had the overall resolve to adequately handle the problems.
  • While these gaps in services, personnel, funding and resolve exist, we will continue to have these problems.

So, let me get back to the beginning.  “Could my child do that?” was my opening question.  The answer should be a resounding yes.  They might excel at certain tasks, but they might also struggle with critical issues that are related to mental health.  As parents, we must (MUST, not should) be willing to critically evaluate our children and ourselves, their interactions and our interactions, their mental health and our mental health, and their concerns and our concerns as we seek to be the best parents we can be.  We can applaud strengths but need to shore up our collective failings to help our children.  And we realistically need to see all children as our children as we deal with these issues for only by lifting up everyone can we lift up ourselves and our children and our communities.

  1. Saul R. Conscious Parenting: Using the Parental Awareness Threshold. Robert A. Saul; 2020. 100 pp.
  2. https://www.aap.org/en/advocacy/child-and-adolescent-healthy-mental-development/aap-aacap-cha-declaration-of-a-national-emergency-in-child-and-adolescent-mental-health/
  3. https://mychildrenschildren.com/social-capital-is-our-wd-40/
  4. https://mychildrenschildren.com/why-mentors-matter-a-tribute-to-dr-sam-katz/