Dr. Bob: There are times when I need to leave our children home alone – after school, dinner meetings and the like. When do you think it is safe for the children to be home by themselves? How old should they be? What precautions should I take?
Answer: This is a tricky question. I think every family and every child and every circumstance is different. The healthychildren.org website has some excellent recommendations so let’s consider those –
- Initial assessment – some folks note that children ages 11-13 might be capable of being home alone for several hours, but you need to make an honest assessment yourself about your child. Are they mature enough to not engage in any risky behavior? Are they comfortable with the responsibility? Are siblings involved? Will they be nervous? Do they have enough common sense to handle some basic tasks? What interests do they have that will occupy their time, other than television and video games? Do they know basic safety issues – what if a fire starts; what if a severe storm approaches; what if there is a power failure; what if they smell a gas leak; what if a stranger comes to the door? These issues need to be discussed, rehearsed and even on a piece of paper placed in a prominent place. While that might sound like overkill and even silly, it is a part of learning what to do when being home alone.
- Plan ahead – As the parent, you need to anticipate the various issues that might arise and set a plan. That plan needs to be discussed, repeated, and reiterated frequently. The things to be set up include key contacts in the event of a problem or an emergency. Make sure that they know how to call 9-1-1. Have a first aid kit in an easy place to find and let them know how to use it in the event of an injury that might occur. If an alarm system is present, they need to know how to use it, to arm it and disarm it. They need to have an emergency exit plan (this is a good idea for all families) that is discussed and well understood. If there are pets, are there any actions that need to be taken? Are there spare keys somewhere if the child comes home and a key is not immediately available?
- Set rules – I would make sure that the child checks in frequently via text. And as the parent, I would initiate these communications. You might want to set certain times when this will occur. I would definitely discourage having other children in the house unless they understand the same rules and you trust them to interact sensibly with your children. If there are any guns in the house, make sure that they are ammunition-free, locked up, and inaccessible with the ammunition locked up separately and inaccessible.
It is so important that you as the parent carefully assess the situation, prepare accordingly and set the rules. Your continual review of the situation is necessary to assure that things are going well. Be prepared to step in and make changes. The need for your child to be home alone is certainly understandable but always be willing to change as needed. Their preparation and their ability to carry out these instructions will certainly help them in the future. But remember, children need constant instruction and are prone to make mistakes. Anticipate them and plan ahead.
Dr. Saul is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at University of South Carolina School of Medicine – Greenville and his website is www.mychildrenschildren.com. Contact Dr. Bob at askdrbobsaul@gmail.com with more questions.