The ability to love thy neighbor is seriously in jeopardy these days, if you follow the political scene. As a matter of fact, the antithesis is in full display too often. Stories are concocted that put vulnerable people at risk. Christian nationalism, as frighteningly documented recently, is at the forefront of some of this action.1 The cloak of faith can fail us if we bear false witness to those who are purveyors of hate.2
The above directive from Matthew 22:39 is explicit in its instruction. After the primary commandment to “love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,” the second commandment states “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” This is quite clear, yet I do not see anything close to adherence to this commandment from so many folks who tout themselves as true believers and carriers of the Christian evangelical torch.
Love thy neighbor obviously means certain things to some people as it can be perverted for less than noble purposes. But I know what it doesn’t mean—
- Fear thy neighbor—the scripture is clear. The constant fear-mongering tactics that are used to label people that are different than us are not consistent with a loving-thy-neighbor philosophy. When a broad brush is used to label a group of people or a race of people as rapists or murderers, that is exactly the opposite of what the scripture intends. We all know that evil does occur and that we must be careful of certain people. But that doesn’t mean that we should be applying labels to a whole group of people by asking others to fear them.
- Ridicule thy neighbor—using demeaning terms to belittle others is not proper conduct and certainly beneath the dignity of the public office. Mocking disabled individuals, calling people “low IQ, crooked or lyin’” or using ethnic slurs to describe political opponents runs counter to the instruction to love thy neighbor. How can we condone such behavior when we would not accept such behavior in our children? It is okay (and actually proper) to address aberrant behavior as wrong even for members of one’s own political party.
- Disrespect thy neighbor—folks that have come before you in public service and served honorably should be respected. Previous public servants, even from the other side of the aisle, should be honored and thanked for their service. Public servants, including military members that have returned from their tour of duty or suffered imprisonment with the enemy or died in the line of service, deserve our undying devotion. Being disrespectful is totally unacceptable.
- Lie to thy neighbor—one should never lie to anyone. Not being truthful is wrong. When one lies often, we can never trust anything they say. Truth is not a single fact. Truth is an accumulation of facts. These facts are the bricks that are laid together to build a house. If the bricks crumble because they are not solid, the house will fall. Only by following the way of the truth can integrity be demonstrated and persist going forward.3
- Falsely accuse thy neighbor—one should only accuse one’s neighbor of a misdeed when there is substantial evidence to that effect. To accuse someone of a misdeed just to deflect attention away from oneself is as bad as committing the misdeed oneself. To accuse someone of not being born in the United States without any shred of evidence is xenophobic (exhibiting hatred for foreigners). Accusing a group of young men of rape in Central Park without any shred of evidence is racist. Accusing immigrants of eating pets in Ohio is reprehensible.
- Be uncivil to thy neighbor—loving your neighbor means being able to listen respectfully to one’s neighbor and being able to respond without mockery. These are the hallmarks of civil discourse and define true love for your neighbor.
- Blame thy neighbor—at times of natural disasters (fires or hurricanes for example) neighbors take care of each other—and those in higher positions do not assign blame for problems that occurred. Everyone rolls up their sleeves and does what needs to be done. We do not grade our response to the disaster; rather we look beyond ourselves to those in need. We help our neighbors in physical and material ways. But most of all, we help in the most important way—we empathize. We put ourselves in their places and do whatever we can, recognizing that we can always do better. It is not us vs. them. It is all of us together.
I hope you see the parallels with the above and parenting. Conscious parenting (a conscious awareness of the learned ability of parents to understand their interactions with their children and to alter their responses to maximize positive responses and to minimize negative ones) requires us to love thy neighbor and model those behaviors for our children. And when we find ourselves failing to do so as in the above examples, we need to acknowledge such and do better. Asking for forgiveness and accepting forgiveness are crucial steps.4
The above examples focus on Christianity but should apply to all of faith and even those of no faith. A respect of our common humanity and empathy for others should be a universal aspect of life for the social animal known as Homo sapiens.
The recent crisis that ensued from Hurricane Helene throughout the Southeast has demonstrated the overwhelming good that ensues when neighborly love is exhibited. My community had 99.4% of its utility customers without power with trees and power poles scattered everywhere. Yet one need only have to look to social media to see neighbors supporting each other and to see people supporting others who were not even their nearby neighbors. There were unfortunate examples of selfishness but fortunately those were overshadowed by good Samaritans.
Love for thy neighbor is really tough for all of us, if we are honest with ourselves. Yet total disregard for this holy instruction makes a mockery of public service and tears at the moral fabric of the country when it is allowed to continue and accepted as the new norm. I reject this current course.
- Alberta T. The Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism. Harper; 2023.512 pp.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/the-toxicity-of-hate/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/staying-true-to-the-truth-moral-courage/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/forgiveness-are-we-there-yet/