The candy M&Ms first started production in the United States in 1941. The brainchild of two chocolatiers (Forrest Mars of Mars Inc. and Bruce Murrie of the Hershey Chocolate Company), its hard candy shell with a chocolate center has enjoyed remarkable success for over 80 years now. I have been a consumer of that candy for most of its existence.
Some unnecessary negative publicity about some changes to their marketing practices and promotional materials have occurred over the years. I say unnecessary since any efforts made to bring this to light are so misplaced. Light-hearted banter about things in pop culture is one thing, but outrage about candy is so misguided when more important things need to be addressed.
In addition to being a consumer of the candy, I also savor the symbolic nature of M&Ms. Actually, I love the multiple Ms that make a difference – the M&M&M&M&Ms.
As someone who is aging and still desires to make a difference, my role is to be an elder, not classified as elderly. I want to be considered a sage who is sage-ing, not just age-ing. One of my guides has been the book From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older.1 And the author draws heavily on the work of the “founder” of the Gray Panthers, Maggie Kuhn.2 Fighting age-ism and looking for solutions, she considered ways that developing sages can use their lifetime of experience by being positive contributors to the community and continuing to provide purpose to their own lives. We will all age but if we do it with grace as we deal with our various infirmities, we can help lead significant change for families and communities and provide a legacy for our families and communities to cherish.
This is where the 5 Ms come in. The authors present five categories of engagement and activity that are well detailed in the book and provide a useful guide for all of us. We might be better at some than others, but we should strive for all in some degree or another. I want to be a Mentor, Mobilizer, Mediator, Monitor, and Motivator – M&M&M&M&Ms.
Mentor – I previously detailed the essential role that mentors play in our lives.3 Mentors are critical to personal, parental, professional, business and career metamorphoses. Mentors matter in the lives of so many. The teaching of the young, both by direct instruction and by example, is such a nurturing process. Everyone can be a mentor, but elders/sages are particularly meaningful as they bring a lifetime of experience (their craft, their expertise, their humanity, their empathy, their knowledge, and their [fill in the blank!]) to the trusted interaction with their mentees. It is quite a thrill to be a part of that process. (Prime example – Dr. Sam Katz)
Mobilizer – Spearheading social change and growth is the role of a citizen. To be able to care for others and care about others demands change. I have previously talked about the twelve words that have become my mantra – I am the problem, I am the solution, I am the resource. Those words should lead to actions that can be led by mobilizers, mobilizing the necessary resources to address tangible change that will improve our lives, the lives of others and the life of our community, Mobilizers can use their experience and influence to lead the fight for change. (Prime example – Martin Luther King, Jr.)
Mediator – Helping to resolve conflict, both civil and intergenerational, requires vast experience and aplomb. Our life’s journey requires an evolution in our ability to practice forgiveness – forgiving ourselves, forgiving others and doing it in a timely fashion. As we progress on this forgiveness path, we should learn that conflict resolution requires so many things – a willingness to listen not just be heard; a willingness to set aside preconceived notions at times; a willingness to extend forgiveness; a willingness to accept forgiveness; a willingness to ask for forgiveness; a willingness to seek rather than demand change. Our mediators have a world of experience to help with issues that others might contend cannot be resolved. (Prime example – Madeline Albright)
Monitor – The ability to serve as watchdogs of public bodies often falls on those with vast and trusted experience. The acceptance of this responsibility lends itself to the role of monitor. Folks who have served in their communities and various agencies and organizations bring their enthusiasm to the table. They, of course, are not always “right” but a calm passionate voice can lead to constructive interactions and oversight of various initiatives. Monitors can help recognize problems in their early stages and advocate for change before significant harm is done. (Prime example – Ruth Bader Ginsburg)
Motivator – This M is particularly exciting for me. Being able to motivate folks using the knowledge and skills acquired over a lifetime is thrilling. We can urge people toward the public good and away from special interests. We can demonstrate our role as an involved citizen and impart such skills to those who will accept our counsel. It is too easy to get caught up in our narrowly focused agenda, losing sight of the common good. Motivators can help keep us on track. (Prime example – Barack Obama)
I would encourage each of us as we approach our later years to take seriously our role(s) to continue to make a difference. Our advice, our counsel, our example, our behavior, our ability to listen, our leadership, and even our quiet ability to follow all set the standard for those that follow us, and I hope will continue to make the world a better place. A community leader who recently passed away in our community kept a list of the 5 Ms on the bulletin board in his kitchen. He exemplified each of them!
The roles of mentor, mobilizer, mediator, monitor and motivator are not restricted to those of us entering our later years. As a pediatrician, I would bless the five Ms as roles for parents to aim for also. Our parenting roles are the same – under the umbrella of safe, stable nurturing relationships (SSNRs), we should be mentoring, mobilizing, mediating, monitoring, and motivating our children. The roles should be the desired goals of all of us as citizens. But I must admit that I particularly aspire to be a trusted mentor, mobilizer, mediator, monitor, and motivator to the end of my days here. I just love M&Ms (and M&M&Ms)!
- Schachter-Shalomi Z, Miller RS: From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older. Time-Warner Books, 1997, 336 pp.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maggie_Kuhn
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/why-mentors-matter-a-tribute-to-dr-sam-katz/