Dr. Bob: My six-year-old son just started having nightmares recently and now demands that one of us sleep in his room or that he sleeps with us. I remember having nightmares myself. What is the best way to comfort him? How do I deal with the sleeping situation since both my husband and I really need our sleep? Hearing him cry out is really frightening.
Answer: Nightmares and night terrors are fairly common childhood sleep problems. Nightmares tend to peak in the ages 3 to 12, and night terrors occur most often in ages 2 to 5. One basic principle – be calm and very comforting. When adults have discomforting nightmares, we tend to be able to realize that they are not real. Children tend to have more concrete thinking and might be convinced that it is real or portends something bad that will happen. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the following –
- Do not delay; get to your child as quickly as possible
- Assure them that you are there and will not let anything happen to them
- Remind them that dreams are not real
- As you reassure them, ask them for any details that they are willing to share; you should be able to provide more reassurance with that information
- Look around the room and see if there are things that you can rearrange to remove any doubts – leave closets open, look under the bed, eliminate shadows, leave the bedroom door open
- If a nightlight might help, use one
- When he is tired and ready, encourage him to go back to sleep
I think that it is perfectly reasonable for a parent to sleep in the same room for several nights to provide reassurance and comfort. Providing a safe, stable nurturing environment for your child will sometimes require some sacrifice on a parent’s part. But I would discuss that this is a temporary arrangement to demonstrate that all is well and that these nightmares will pass, and we will always be here (in the house or apartment) to protect you.
I would discourage having your child sleep with you for more than a night or two. This arrangement can easily blossom into a long-term situation. I have seen this happen many times, and it becomes a very difficult cycle to break. In the long run, it leads to more sleepless nights that the parents are trying to avoid.
A brief word on night terrors – they tend to occur at a younger age and can be frightening for child and parents alike. They occur at the deepest stages of sleep, usually early in the night and sometimes before the parents are even in bed. When children “awaken,” they might be crying, thrashing, screaming, kicking, breathing fast, and not even recognize you. This latter feature is quite disconcerting to parents. It is as if they are still asleep, and in many ways they are. They tend to fall back asleep because they never really woke up. The duration of the night terrors can be longer than several minutes so try not to panic. Your child might try to push you away. Be sure that they cannot harm themselves on any objects in the room. Do not get angry or upset. Be sure to warn any babysitters or grandparents who might be taking care of the child when the parents are out.
Sleep disturbances are very common and call for calm and reassurance. They are not a sign of any mental disturbance. Discuss them with your pediatrician if concerns linger.
Dr. Saul is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at Prisma Health and his website is www.mychildrenschildren.com. Contact Dr. Bob at askdrbobsaul@gmail.com with more questions.