Dr. Bob: I know that my teenage daughter spends far too much time on social media. I read about all of the negative things that can happen. How can I control her use of social media? How can I help guide her through the combination of the turbulent teen years and now social media?
Answer: This is a complex question. When I remember back to my teenage years (what little I can remember!), I am struck by so many conflicting issues – dependence, striving for independence, the drug scene of the 1960s, puberty, anxiety, school work, college decisions, and more. And in retrospect, I made some bad choices. Fortunately for me, I had a tremendous support network to help me. I did not have the potential damaging influence of social media (Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat and others) to exacerbate my teen angst.
So, let’s review the current situation and suggest some ways forward.
- It is crucial to remember that the developing brain in teenagers and even young adults is not considered fully “mature” until the mid-20s. The “executive” functions of adulthood (self-control, reasoned thinking, rational decision making) are therefore less likely in the teen years. Impulse control is less common and often leads to poor decisions.
- Back in 2022, a study noted that more than one-third of 13 to 17-year-olds visit social media sites. I suspect that this number now is higher. Equally shocking is that 38% of kids 8-12 years old have used social media.
- One might contend that social media can have a positive influence. Social connections in the teen years are so important, and social media can provide a platform for like-minded teens to connect and share materials that are supporting and even educational.
- Social media content can be equally toxic. Unhealthy content (violence, pornographic, dangerous fads, outright falsehoods) can have a pernicious effect on the developing teen.
- Remember the difference between quantity and quality. Your teen might be spending less time (quantity) on various sites but engaging very intently on those limited sites (quality). Both matter as you assess their exposure.
- I think it is fair to say that not all teens are at the same risk of social media affecting them. Teens with known depression or other mental health issues are certainly at risk of worsening problems.
Parents cannot shield their children from all of the undesirableinfluences of society, but they can make a significant difference. With regard to social media, please pay attention to the following –
- Actively communicate with your children about social media. Engage in conversation with them. What are they seeing? What are others saying? What sites do they like? What sites do their friends like?
- Ask them what they see as the positive aspects of social media. How is it used for good?
- Ask them what they see as the negative aspects of social media. How has it hurt them or their friends or even classmates that they do not know?
- Be a positive role model! Limit your use of social media. When you see negative aspects of social media, point them out and suggest solutions. Use social media as an educational tool as much as possible. Put away your phone at the dinner table.
- Limit their use of social media (phone and/or computer) after bedtime.
- Know your child’s mental health. Encourage your child to share their concerns and be alert to signs of concern – isolation, poor communication, poor school performance.
Social media is not inherently bad, and it will be around for a long time. Engage with your child in open dialogue and encourage a frank exchange.
Dr. Saul is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at Prisma Health and his website is www.mychildrenschildren.com. Contact Dr. Bob at askdrbobsaul@gmail.com with more questions.