For football fans, a PAT is the single point (point after touchdown) awarded if a kick is good after a touchdown is scored. At the high school level, it can be unpredictable if the kick will be successful. The success rate increases dramatically at the college level and is a near certain thing at the professional level. Because so many kicks were successful in the pros, the rules were changed to move the spot for the football (where it is snapped to the holder) to the 15-yard line from the 2-yard line. The kicks are bit more challenging now, and the error rate has increased.
The PAT that I want to discuss is challenging all of the time – the Parental Awareness Threshold. Parenting is never easy. As I learned over my 40 plus year career as a pediatrician and now my 40 plus year role as a father, learning how to parent and the nuances involved mandate a constant learning environment. If one assumes that they know everything about parenting, I contend that they are not paying attention to the tasks at hand. They have been duped or have chosen the easy way out.
It was in the spirit of humility and sincerity that I penned the book Conscious Parenting: Using the Parental Awareness Threshold back in 2020.1 Decades of experience, thousands of interactions, numerous conferences and educational activities, and the personal ups-and-downs of parenting led me to impart my knowledge in a structured yet personal way that I thought would be helpful to all parents, caregivers and grandparents.
To understand the PAT, I need to briefly discuss my idea of conscious parenting. Conscious parenting requires a conscious awareness of the parent-child relationship. Conscious awareness in this context means that parents are committed to learning how to engage with their children in ways that enhance opportunities for success and minimize negative situations. The positive outcomes should be heralded but the negative situations should not be seen as failures. These situations are subsequent opportunities for improvement and the way that we all learn during our lifetimes.
Conscious awareness in the act of parenting necessitates active listening and is best expressed by “being present.” Being present is an iterative process (the back and forth human interactions) with growth and change. Borrowing from the concept of conscious leadership, the route to more success in parenting lies in being more conscious – open, receptive and ready to learn.2 We are more likely to struggle when we are closed, defensive and committed to being right. The oft-used parental expressions employed in this latter posturing are “because I said so” and “because I’m the parent.”
Just as leaders can vacillate in their effectiveness due to their conscious awareness, parents suffer the same fate. The point of thinking about and using conscious awareness is to be more cognizant of what is happening around us and try to adjust in a more positive way. As human beings, we will all have times when we are less than our better angels.3 Our ability to recognize these situations and shift to a more helpful posture can define our ability to make a difference in nurturing our children.
Now, this is where the PAT comes in. I define the PAT or Parental Awareness Threshold as the state of conscious awareness about the past, current and future interactions of a parent with their children. When parents are above the threshold needed for positive nurturing interaction, they are open, receptive, present and ready to learn. When they slip below the threshold, they are closed, defensive and always right. And we all are on both sides of the threshold, usually many times a day!
It might be easy to note that one is below the threshold and needs to shift. The key to change is conscious awareness of one’s state and the ability to do three things –
- Pause – when faced with a behavioral challenge, the ability to pause is so important. It is all too easy to have a knee-jerk reaction when we are upset and want immediate change.
- Assess – a calm assessment of the situation can lead to a better understanding of the circumstances at hand and perhaps a more insightful approach to handling them.
- Choose – Choosing the right way (being more open, receptive and ready to learn) can help turn a difficult situation into a more manageable situation. Remember that discipline needs to be a teaching experience, not a punishment.4
While I am an avid football fan and fond of touchdowns and PATs, I think the PAT discussed above is far more important in the lives of our children than 1 point on a scoreboard. The concept of good-enough parenting (that we are human and mistakes will be made) emphasizes awareness and regulation of emotions and behaviors.5 Good-enough might sound like a compromise when excellence is desired, but the reality is that so many factors are at play when parenting. Out of necessity, we are constantly evolving to be good-enough in the complex society that we live in.
Our willingness to pause, assess, choose and subsequently shift using the Parental Awareness Threshold can be the key to the safe, stable nurturing relationships that our children need. So, let’s not allow a “block that kick” mentality but rather employ the more important PAT to its maximum advantage. Our conscious awareness is vital to our children.
- Saul R. Conscious Parenting: Using the Parental Threshold. Robert Saul; 2020. 78 pp.
- Dethmer J, Chapman D, Klemp K. The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success. Dethmer, Chapman and Klemp, 2015.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/our-better-angels/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/discipline-does-not-equal-punishment/
- Garner A, Saul R. Thinking Developmentally: Nurturing Wellness in Childhood to Promote Lifelong Health (2nded). American Academy of Pediatrics; 2025. 219 pp.