Dr. Bob: I am worried about the diet of my children. Both of my daughters tend to be very picky and refuse many foods that I want them to eat. They would rather watch the TV at dinner instead of eating the healthy meals I prepare. Then I get frustrated, and my husband says that they should just go to bed. It is a big problem for the family. What do you suggest?
Answer: Your question brings to light several issues.
First, please do not have a TV on during dinner or really anytime that you are having a meal together. No phones either. Those distractions affect your ability to engage with your children. Get creative with your time together and ask questions or talk about things of mutual interest. Find out how the day has been (positive things and challenges encountered) and brainstorm together how to continue to deal with these issues. These interactions are crucial to keeping open lines of communication and that even helps with talking about food questions.
Second, it is so important that both parents are on the same page regarding discussions with the children (food, behavior, discipline). Children hear and process any parental conflicts and learn how to manipulate them or even worse, fear one of their parents. Going to bed without any food isn’t acceptable. Do not blame or shame the children for their choices.
Finally, do not set yourself up for failure by having what I call “food wars.” Nobody wins and everybody gets upset. Avoiding frustration and conflict should be a main task in parenting, especially in relation to nutrition. There are multiple techniques that have been recommended to deal with picky eaters. Let me mention a few –
- Try to mix foods that the child likes with small portions of food that might be a challenge.
- Keep the portions reasonable. Sampling a food might be a good first step, like starting with one green bean.
- Engage the children in meal planning and preparation so they can put in some things they favor.This way they can help and know ahead of time what will be coming. There will be no surprises at the dinner table.
- Keep a variety of proteins (meat, vegetables and nuts) on the menu and remember that milk also offers protein.
- Consider different herbs and spices for some of the foods that might be a challenge.This might create a taste that is more palatable.
- Avoid bribes but rewards (food or non-food, measured and delivered as promised) are perfectly reasonable.
- Model good behavior with the ability to show the children that you eat a balanced diet. By demonstrating your balanced diet, you are showing that you can do what you want them to do.
- Remind your children you might have had a limited diet yourself when you were growing up.I would encourage you to share this with your children – “You know when I was your age I would not eat [fill in the blank {like carrots}]. I started eating other things and I found out that they were good. Just like pizza…I didn’t like that at first but later loved it.”
There are numerous sources for parents desiring more specific information about nutrition for their children. Healthychildren.org (from the American Academy of Pediatrics) is an excellent source. Your pediatrician is ready to help.
Dr. Saul is Professor of Pediatrics (Emeritus) at Prisma Health and his website is www.mychildrenschildren.com. Contact Dr. Bob at askdrbobsaul@gmail.com with more questions.