The aging process can be discouraging but I must admit that I am cherishing using the experience that life has afforded me. Back in 2021, I was invited to write an article for EXCEPTIONAL PARENT magazine about my professional journey.1 As I was finishing, I realized that I needed to try and summarize some key lessons from my career.
The lessons learned are actually many. It is hard and somewhat artificial to try and limit the list but nonetheless I felt compelled to try and keep the list to a handful. Five things seemed like a reasonable number and instructive as I share the items with others. I realized in retrospect that my interactions with medical student and residents (doctors in training) emphasized these things and worthy of further dissemination as I reflected on my career.
Below I will discuss my list of these items in terms of my medical career and, by extension, to life. Let’s dig in.
- Trust the intuition of parents. Let that guide your evaluation and decision-making. This lesson took me a long time to learn. Over time, I realized that my understanding of how a child was presenting was very dependent on the parent’s perception of the illness and how the parent interpreted the child’s response. I might have a very specific idea from my perspective, but the parent might be able to add a twist that I had not considered. And this parental viewpoint might be crucial to my assessment and decision-making. The parents are more likely to pick up on nuanced changes than me since they care for the child every day. IN LIFE – I should be willing to trust the intuition and perspective of others in my interactions. Putting one’s ego aside and being able to empathize with others is one of the great lessons of life.
- Listen intently. That sounds so simple but so hard to do at times. Doctors don’t like a void and tend to interrupt patients too frequently. Sometimes our agendas are time-limited, so we tend to drive the conversation in a specific direction with our own goals in mind. Yet by not listening intently, we devalue the stories of our patients and de-emphasize what is important to them and might be at the heart of the matter for them. Plus, by listening better, we might gain some insight into their lives and how to best recommend a diagnostic plan and therapeutic course. IN LIFE – How often do we really listen intently to what others are saying? All too often, we are listening to our own internal dialogue while others are talking. Listening intently (being present, attentive, attuned and responsive) is the key to effective communication and exhibiting love for others. And this is hard to do at times.
- Leave your biases at the door. Preconceived notions based on supplied information or previous experience can taint your ability to provide the best care possible. Boy, this one is really hard. As doctors, we tend to read certain medical information or use our past visits to anticipate how other visits will go. While we should not disregard this information, it can taint how we view and interpret the current visit or new information. Such bias can lead us to disregard important factors that will change our management and improve our care. IN LIFE – Our biases always influence our ability (or inability) to interact in meaningful ways with others. We are constantly “judging a book by its cover” and too willing to not really understand what others are going through. And these biases affect our willingness to really exhibit empathy for others. We need to leave those biases behind.
- Smile and engage. It is amazing how comforting a smile can be. In pediatrics and genetics, I was often dealing with families at very stressful times. My job was to provide the best care possible. And I needed to do it in a manner that instilled trust and engendered a common humanity. A smile does that. A smile lets those in my care know that I am there with them and willing to share in their journey. A smile lets them know that I am engaged (present, attentive, attuned and responsive) and am co-partner on this journey. IN LIFE – A smile is crucial to responsive communication. A smile can say so much – I hear you; I want to help; I understand; How can I help. A smile is not being dismissive but rather demonstrates a willingness to share and be helpful. It acknowledges that I see you (like that smile in the grocery store or on the sidewalk) and that you are worthy of my attention.
- Remember our shared humanity. You could just as easily be on the other end of this medical encounter. As mentioned at the outset, age is catching up to me. One of the effects of that aging is an increase in the number of medical encounters. Heart ablations, hip replacements, thyroid surgery and other encounters remind me that I am indeed on the other side of the medical spectrum, and I can see how I could have improved my skills as a provider. Humility is a great equalizer and should be exhibited as much as possible. I have always endeavored to treat my patients as I would want my own children and parents treated. IN LIFE – Too frequently, we forgot our common humanity and place ourselves above others, belittling or demeaning them. We could just as easily be on the other side of misfortune, and we need to recognize that. We are not better than others because of our good fortune or their misfortune.
I am so glad to have the time and energy to reflect on my career and how that has molded me as a person and citizen. Trusting the intuition of others, listening intently, leaving biases behind, smiling and remembering our shared humanity are great lessons for medical professionals…and for the rest of us. The lessons of life are plentiful, so it is helpful to concentrate on a few of significant impact. That is what I will continue to do and improve daily. Aging is no substitute for continual improvement.
- Saul RA. The Professional Road Less Traveled. EP magazine 46-47, Dec 2021.