These are trying times. Seeing immigrants demonized is just heartbreaking. Seeing medical research thrown to the curb is disturbing. Seeing childhood care measures, that have saved countless lives during my career, upended is soul-crushing. Seeing life-sustaining and life-saving foreign aid discontinued is cruel and un-American. Seeing civility dismissed under the guise of “frankness” demonstrates an erosion of our democracy. Seeing the rule of law manipulated frightens me. Seeing the belittling of public service crushes the morale of so many devoted people. Seeing truth-telling as an optional activity just makes no sense.
Yet, we have to have hope. Hope is not a strategy, but hope can be the driving force to change for the better. Hope can provide the impetus to improve our lives, improve the lives of others and the life of our communities.
Hope that is tangible will lead us to empathy. I have written many times about empathy, but I feel so strongly that without empathy we are rudderless and lost at sea. Empathy is the secret sauce that connects us to others and sustains relationships that are meaningful.
I would contend that empathy reigns supreme when we are at our best. The ability to enter into (‘em’) the suffering of others (‘pathos’) is a unique one that requires extra effort. It is not sufficient to express your concern for others. We must engage (actively learn) what others are doing or feeling or suffering and seek to assist to the best of our ability.
Since empathy is an active, not passive, pursuit, “simple” empathy is not sufficient. Isabel Wilkerson uses the term radical empathy to describe an even more enriched version of empathy. To quote Ms. Wilkerson, “radical empathy is not about you and what you think you would do in a situation you have never been in and perhaps never will. It is the kindred connection from a place of deep knowing that opens your spirit to the pain of another as they perceive… Every spiritual tradition says love your neighbor as yourself, not tolerate them.”1
The quote above very much expresses the sentiments of the BEAUTIFUL song by Carole King.2 I just adore the words of this song. Her observations of others (frustrations, sadness and madness) in the verses show the unique ability to exercise empathy. She has entered into (‘em’) their suffering (‘pathos’), highlighting it and placing hope at the forefront of her song. Perhaps it seems glib to apply the common refrain from the song as my mantra going forward, but I think it really applies. Let me explain –
You’ve got to get up every morning/With a smile in your face – These lines remind me that every day is a new fresh experience. We have a choice to regroup. We have a chance to adjust (or readjust) our attitude. We can change our filters. The smile on one’s face shows a genuine interest in others and a willingness to visually engage.3 Now the smile can be metaphorical, not everyone has a broad toothy smile, but visual engagement is the key. It conveys an openness that can be contagious.
And show the world all the love in your heart/Then people gonna treat you better – The smile (direct or indirect [your inner beam of energy]) will demonstrate the love in your heart and your eagerness to engage with others. Then the interactions with others will be enhanced and more likely to be reciprocal – you will treat them better and they will treat you better.
You’re gonna find, yes you will/That you’re beautiful – Yes, everyone has an inner beauty. And yes, everyone is beautiful. It typically takes each of us awhile to understand and appreciate that inner beauty. Sometimes our confidence is insufficient, but we can indeed learn to build our own confidence while practicing empathy for others.
You’re beautiful/You’re beautiful as you feel – Again, often we do not feel beautiful. I would contend that if are willing to wake up every morning, with a smile on our face and show the world the love in our hearts that we will exhibit our own inner beauty and our love for others.
And if we actively engage in the process of radical empathy, we are fulfilling our promise to others and ourselves to be the best that we can be. When we show the world all the love in our hearts, the active engagement of radical empathy is achievable. That should be our task going forward. Embracing our vulnerability and seeking trust can be key factors in this task.4,5
Just listen to the music in your head. I hear it in mine. Let’s meet these trying times with the hope that better times are ahead, and that beauty will prevail.
You’ve got to get up every morning
With a smile in your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You’re gonna find, yes, you will
That you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful
You’re beautiful as you feel
- Wilkerson I: Caste: The Origins of our Discontents. Random House; 2020. 476 pp.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj4A62pJ1Vs
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/smile-giving-and-receiving/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/trust-is-the-currency-of-social-interaction-2/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/vulnerability-makes-us-strong/