One of the advantages of aging is the time and ability to reflect on events in the past. But one of the disadvantages is that the details of the specific events are often clouded or obscured with the fog of time and fading memories. Yet I’m convinced that the surviving memories, while maybe slightly altered or even embellished, represent the true essence of the memories and their purpose in our lives.
On this Christmas day, 2023, I wanted to revisit two such occasions. Now in my eighth decade of life, I am convinced that at least two situations occurred that represent a visit with an angel. Yes, that’s right. A man of science can still be a man of faith and accept circumstances that defy specific explanations. Let me explain.
- Early in my career, one of my first patients was noted to have a kidney tumor, Wilm’s tumor, as an infant. The kidney and tumor were removed, and she also had therapy (chemo and radiation) that would have long-term effects on her growth.
- Several years later, a recurrence of the tumor in the other kidney was detected. Attempts to save the kidney and just remove the tumor were unsuccessful so she had to go on dialysis after that kidney was removed. Abdominal (peritoneal) dialysis was used first but a potentially life-threatening infection occurred. She was switched to hemodialysis which is difficult in children.
- Oh, I forgot to mention that the diagnosis of cystic fibrosis was made subsequent to one of her surgeries!
- She was able to get a kidney transplant along the way, but this young lady was dealing with bilateral kidney tumors, renal disease (initially dialysis then immunosuppression to avoid transplant rejection), AND life-threatening pulmonary disease that was not effectively treated back then.
- Despite her frequent trips to specialists and my office, she never complained. She always had a smile on her face. Her younger sister towered over her due to her short stature, but their bond was strong and obvious.
- She passed away in her adolescence. Her funeral was so moving without a dry eye in the house.Her influence was far beyond what the family would have imagined.
- As I sat there and reflected on her impact on me, I began to see an image rise from the congregation. I looked to me like she was taking flight, like an angel. The image was more of a feeling than a specific vision. Could I explain it? Absolutely not. As I “witnessed” this, I realized the profound effect that this young lady and her family had on me. I was changed, then and still today. Her life and “afterlife” represented lessons for me to exemplify going forward. I needed to honor her with my professional actions and my personal words and deeds.
- About 5 years later in 2002, my mother was in failing health in Colorado. One weekend, she developed a serious infection and died. She had specifically requested that no extraordinary measures be done if she became incapacitated at the end. She passed away peacefully.
- That night as I lay awake with my eyes closed in SC, grieving her passing, a bright night appeared in back side of my eyelids – a very bright light. Was it Mom? Was it an angel? I thought it was the former and there seemed to be a message – “I’m ok, Bob. I’m peaceful. Keep doing what you are doing in my name. I love you.” I thought, “did I really just experience that?”
- Now fast forward to her memorial service in the Chicago area several weeks later. In a little chapel on a cold wintry day, the sun came out and the same bright light shone through a side window and right into my now open eyes. Was it the same signal? I sure thought so. I now felt that it was the message from an angel (but in my eyes angels and Mom were synonymous). It did not really matter. It was such a comfort and a reassurance going forward.
I started this blog post by saying that time and age might have led to my memories being inaccurate or even embellished. But the memories are in no way diminished. If they are enhanced, I am convinced that they have been enhanced for my benefit.
These “angelic” visits were intense experiences for me. They raised a new consciousness for me in the moment. The work that I had been doing as a physician mattered and seemed to be impactful. Yet I was being called to do more. That has become more evident in the decades that have followed. I have been called to advocate unconditionally for children and families, to seek to improve communities, and to make sure that I am active in the process.
These angels in my life manifested for a purpose. I am intent to be faithful to that purpose. Circumstances that I cannot explain do not diminish their importance. They only intensify my resolve to recognize a force that makes a difference. Such encounters beckon me to be an “angel” on earth for others. I pledge to continue the journey. I can do no less.