Joni Mitchell (singer, song writer, folk musician) played an instrumental [pun intended] influence in my formative years.1 For those of us who hung on the words of Joan Baez, Simon and Garfunkel, and Bob Dylan, she was always forthcoming with music that spoke to a generation that was speaking out and willing to protest when necessary.
One could argue that I was far from a hippie but my long hair and sympathies for the causes of the 1960s led my parents to consider me a little on the wild side. Yet I was driven by my academic studies and pursuit of medicine, so I spent little time in active protests and more in lending my support to my fellow baby boomers. Many argued that the Silent Majority as promoted by President Nixon represented the public more than the youthful protesters but I would argue that history has vindicated many of our causes – the Vietnam War was unjust and the burden of the war was unfairly placed on black soldiers; the civil rights movement fought a constant battle and still deals with persistent inequities; the voting rights struggles have returned with recent Supreme Court and state legislature decisions. I am proud to have lent my voice at least in part.
Now, after almost 75 years, I find myself reflecting on the past and looking forward to continuing to make a positive difference given my experience and resolve. Starting to read Hillary Clinton’s latest book (SOMETHING LOST, SOMETHING GAINED: REFLECTIONS ON LIFE, LOVE AND LIBERTY), I was struck by her reference to Joni Mitchell’s beloved song, Both Sides Now.2,3 She discussed the lyrics that pertain to her life’s journey and the title of her book is extracted from the lyrics – something lost, something gained.
I wanted to take this opportunity to do the same. Mitchell talks about looking at both sides of clouds, love and life and the vagaries, ambiguities and difficulties of interpreting things and events in our lives. She concludes that she really doesn’t know each of those (clouds, love, life) at all, but I think she really does. My take –
- Clouds. I have always been fascinated with clouds. The fact that water vapor can accumulate into these cottony masses floating in the air is just an incredible expression of nature. Clouds can obscure the sun, and they can be the source of various forms of precipitation. So, they can be beautiful, ominous, sun-blocking and nurturing all in the span of several hours or more. And yes, in the words of Joni Mitchell “I really don’t know clouds at all.” That is the beauty of clouds – the ephemeral expression of change that we cannot always control but we can acknowledge and use to help ourselves, our families and our communities. We don’t always know or understand everything around us, but we can control our responses and do good.
- Love. Love is one of those qualities that we spend our whole lives hopefully enjoying, perhaps searching for and always experiencing the heartbreak of lives lost. In Mitchell’s lyrics, she mentions the ups and downs of emotions and the realities and illusions that we all experience. Bishop Michael Curry has posited that the opposite of love is not hate but rather selfishness. Given that definition, one side of love could be considered selflessness (caring for others) and the underbelly of love is selfishness (putting oneself ahead of others). In a similar vein, the ladders of love that children need are providing safe, stable nurturing relationships (SSNRs) at every opportunity, even when it seems impossible to do.4-6 Love not only means nurturing but it means not doing certain things – promoting fear, disrespecting others, ridiculing others, disrespecting others, lying, falsely accusing, acting in an uncivil manner, and projecting blame on others.7 Maybe “I don’t know love at all” but I am convinced that I can live with both sides of love and do what I can to exhibit love (selflessness) and what I can to counter the effects of selfishness. It is not easy but what rewarding things are ever easy.
- Life. Life certainly has multiple ups and downs. And yes, folks can remember the high points and suffer through the low points. Some folks have more serious impediments in their lives and have more significant struggles. Friends can come and go, and our lives can be turned upside down and right side up. In many ways, we can control our lives but in an equal number of ways we cannot control our lives. What we can control is our responses. I know that is easy to say that but we all will react appropriately or overreact or underreact at various times. It is those responses and the change that they engender that can drive us to do better and constantly improve.
So, life will be a series of events with something lost and something gained. We can talk about both sides of clouds, love and life. I can certainly appreciate that, but I don’t want to see viewing both sides as being negative. I want to see how I can look at things from multiple perspectives, working to improve what I can. My reflections can make me commit to considering all sides now and use my experience and years ahead to continue to make a difference for all children.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joni_Mitchell
- Clinton H. Something Lost, Something Gained: Reflections on Life, Love and Liberty. Simon and Schuster; 2024. 336 pp.
- https://jonimitchell.com/music/song.cfm?id=83
- Curry M. Love is the Way: Holding on to Hope in Troubling Times. Avery; 2020. 272 pp.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/ladders-of-love/
- Perry BD, Winfrey O. What Happened to You? Conversation on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books, 2021. 298 pp
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/love-thy-neighbor-3/
- https://youtu.be/yXr2EFomFkU?si=pvdMlmVvkhl5nfv0
Both Sides Now3,8
Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now it’s just another show
And you leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say, “I love you, ” right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
But now old friends, they’re acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I’ve changed
Well, something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all
I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It’s life’s illusion I recall
I really don’t know life at all