In a time of negativity, we need to continually seek ways to embrace others and model the correct behaviors for our children. How do we exhibit the type of behavior that nurtures each other and tells our children that such behavior is the way forward?
I have long contended that the primary goal of parenting should be the raising of good citizens and that happiness is a blissful secondary side effect. I realize that this is an oversimplification and many of the children that I cared for over my career have significant impediments to independent citizenship. But I refuse to believe that those without those impediments are incapable of doing the right thing and become good citizens. Good citizens care for each other. Good citizens care about each other. Good citizens care about the environments, natural and social, around them and actively nourish and protect them.
In today’s political climate, the above positive actions almost seem antithetical to the prevailing ethos. “I hate them” or “who cares about them” or “they’re woke”1 are all too common phrases that seek to establish an us vs. them agenda that is toxic to a society that should be seeking to live in harmony with civil disagreements discussed in a rational manner. In my three-quarters of a century, I have never seen us more divided.
So, if it is naïve to discuss ways to improve our interactions and promote such improvement, count me in. I am not touting myself as the perfect purveyor of such. I have made plenty of transgressions over the years but, as one who is sage-ing rather than just age-ing, I stand ready to do better and encourage the same in others.2
I suggest heavy doses of the following –
- Love for others – In my blog posts over the years, I have noted the importance of love in our immediate interactions (children and family) and in our social environment.3-5 Bishop Michael Curry has reminded me that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather selfishness.6 I contend that selfishness is un-American, is not Christian, breeds fear mongering, is against efforts to erase poverty, and is anti-children. Curry states that selfishness is “a life completely centered on the self” and that “life becomes a living lie…[and that] selfishness is the most destructive force in all the cosmos.” He further reminds us that “love is an equal opportunity employer. It is a gift from God, flowing from the very heart of creation. It cannot be claimed by any single religion or philosophy or person…Love creates room and space for others.”
- Grace – President Obama reminds us that “according to Christian tradition, grace is not earned. It is not merited; not something we deserve. Rather, grace is the free and benevolent favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.” And it is best described in its like-named hymn as “amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost, but now I’m found; was blind but now I see.”7-9 So, do we receive grace as a gift or are we on a journey to receive grace? I would argue that grace is extended to us (amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me) yet we need to be able to receive it. To accept the grace of God and others might be our fate but to make it meaningful requires us to be on a journey to accept that grace and pass it on. Grace is the gift, and grace is the way forward.
- Mercy – The calling of medicine requires doctors to provide care to certain “difficult” patients along the way. I have certainly had my share of patients that were challenging. In a previous article, I noted a previously attributed quote that “mercy is a willingness to enter into the chaos of another” and that mercy is a “developed human capacity that involves hard, uncertain, and hidden work.”10-12 Works of mercy cannot be measured or specifically quantified yet they define the essential elements of our ability to provide meaningful care. The chaos of others can be quite discomforting. It is difficult to accept the roles of treating the less fortunate as we would our own family. Yet, that is precisely how we measure our ability to extend mercy and improve our lives, the lives of others and the life of our communities.
As Bishop Curry reminds us, we can hold on to hope in troubling times.6 I agree but we need a three-fold approach – 1) accept the gift of love from God and turn it into selfless acts toward others; 2) accept the grace of God, willingly embrace it, and pass it on; and 3) being willing to extend mercy to others (entering into their chaos).
This approach notes a somewhat passive component (acceptance) and aggressive active components (selflessness, embracing and willingness). We can then become positive contributors and model the behaviors that our children need to see. But not only that, our children need to be the recipients of such behavior in their lives to be able to pass love, grace and mercy on to the lives of their children in the next generation. Those gifts are not measurable yet are priceless.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/woke-is-good-not-evil/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/age-ing-or-sage-ing/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/ladders-of-love/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/love-thy-neighbor-3/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/selfishness/
- Curry M. Love is the Way: Holding on to Hope in Troubling Times. Avery, 2020. 272 pp.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/amazing-grace/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/grace-a-gift-or-a-journey/
- Keenan C. Grace: President Obama and Ten Days in the Battle for America. Mariner Books, 309 pp. 2022.
- Saul RA. Mercy. GHS Proc. May 2016 1(1):70.
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/mercy-2/
- https://mychildrenschildren.com/the-challenge-of-mercy/