Author Dr. Robert Saul

Raising Young Citizens in the Age of Columbine

Orphans no more

By

“Goodnight you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England”

Dr. Wilbur Larch, THE CIDER HOUSE RULES

 

The term ‘orphan’ typically refers to the children that have lost their parents.  Wars lead to far too many orphans, and abandoned infants used to become orphans.  Typical childhood development is difficult enough in today’s world.  Add in impaired nurturing from disordered support and we have the potential for children to lack the crucial steps in early brain development.

The fictional orphanage in the book and movie The Cider House Rules, St. Cloud’s Orphanage, was headed by Dr. Wilbur Larch.  His evening goodnight wish of “goodnight you Princes of Maine, you Kings of New England” highlights his desire for these children to be exalted, to be cherished at a level not expected by their lots in life as orphans. (Dr. Larch was in charge of the boy’s section;  a separate matron oversaw the girl’s section.) He recognized their potential and wanted them to feel special, appropriately so.  But were enough systems in place to really fill the voids of sustained safe, stable nurturing relationships (SSNRs)?

For children who have historically been separated from their parents for a short-term or long term, society has attempted to fill the void with foster parents.  Foster parents provide significant support for the children, but they need substantial assistance.  Have we, as a society, done enough to help foster parents (or struggling parents close to losing custody of their children)?  I think not.

I have previously noted the ladders of love so necessary to nurture children with trauma.  Dr. Sreeramoju bared her soul in an article in the Journal of the American Medical Association to discuss the trials and tribulations of adoption of a child with early nurturing issues.1  In my post discussing her article , I mentioned the work of so many who have devoted their lives to nurturing children.2-6   The ladders of love necessary go far beyond orphan care and foster care.  They require a renewed awareness and commitment by all sectors in our society.

  • Understanding of early brain development – The bonds of nurturing and their effect on early brain development have lifelong effects. The crucial importance of this understanding cannot be overemphasized.  What we do for children as a society should be based on this principle.
  • Understanding that you cannot spoil an infant – Children cry because they are hungry, soiled, temperature unregulated or just in need of comfort. Too many parents during my career asked me if their child will be spoiled by all of this attention.  The answer is an emphatic NO.  Attending to the needs of infants helps the early neural connections vital to brain development. (Colic is a different matter and should be addressed with the pediatrician.7)
  • Understanding that adverse childhood experiences affect development – It is well known that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) represent trauma that can have a life-long effect on children, affecting their behavior and health well into adulthood.2 So many diseases in adulthood that we have historically characterized as adult-onset are actually adult-manifest from the trauma sustained in childhood.6
  • Understanding that positive childhood experiences enhance development – The book of life is not cemented with adverse experiences. Indeed, positive childhood experiences (PCEs) can substantially mitigate ACEs and promote resilience and flourishing in the future.8 
  • Understanding that relational health is the key to overall well-being – Humankind is a social being, and relationships provide the interactions and nurturing that make us healthy and thriving.9
  • Understanding that social life is cyclic – Relationships will fracture at times and the ability to repair those breaks are the hallmark of positive connections.10 Without repair, our interactions with others remain at a superficial level without the ability to engage in regulation, relationship and reasoning.5
  • Understanding that forgiveness is a crucial component of our lives – The inability to extend or receive forgiveness will lead to the inability to engage in meaningful ways with others.11
  • Understanding that empathy is so pivotal in our relationships – Without empathy, our lives are so egocentric that we have lost sight of our common humanity. Our sense of self should be shared with others and glorified in those common bonds.

So, what’s my point?  Children who were or are orphans deserve our utmost attention and positive interventions.  By extension, all children not so designated should receive equal protections.  Without those equal protections, I contend that we have rendered too many children with orphan-like status.

All of our children (“the Princes and Princesses of Maine, the Kings and Queens of New England’) should have a status that recognizes their unique circumstances and seeks to enhance every step along their development journey.  Such actions are not spoiling our children – they are nurturing our children, all of them.

We should all pledge that they will be orphans no more, that we treat all children in ways that lift them up and recognizes their exalted status.  It has been my joy during my career to seek such a path.

 

  1. Sreeramoju P. Hurting and healing (A Piece of My Mind). JAMA 330(4):319-320, 2023 – https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2807271
  2. https://mychildrenschildren.com/the-pediatric-way/
  3. https://conniemaxwell.com
  4. Forkey HC, Griffin JL, Szilagyi M. Childhood Trauma and Resilience: A Practical Guide. American Academy of Pediatrics, 2021. 224 pp.
  5. Perry BD, Winfrey O. What Happened to You? Conversation on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books, 2021. 298 pp.
  6. Garner AS, Saul RA. Thinking Developmentally: Nurturing Wellness in Childhood to Promote Lifelong Health, 2ndedition, American Academy of Pediatrics, 2025, 200 pages.
  7. https://mychildrenschildren.com/how-do-i-handle-colic-october-20-2023/
  8. https://mychildrenschildren.com/positive-childhood-experiences/
  9. https://mychildrenschildren.com/catch-relational-health-at-its-best/
  10. https://mychildrenschildren.com/relate-rupture-repair-repeat/
  11. https://mychildrenschildren.com/forgiveness-is-so-hard/
  12. https://mychildrenschildren.com/em-within-pathos-suffering-empathy-revisited-2025/